來源:網絡資源 作者:中考網整理 2019-06-16 22:30:45
學生作文一
I live on a planet which is full of love. I can get love form my teachers, friends and my parents. When I get love from them, I feel warm and happy. They are the most important people in my life. I should show my love to them. I will help my parents to do some housework if they are tired. I will help my friends when they are in trouble. I should show my love to the person who gives me love.
實際得分情況:5+6+1=12
老師點評:這篇文章其實是相當有文采的。開篇第一句話和最后一句話都正確使用了定語從句,這已經足以為其爭取到1分的文采分了。整篇文章除了第一句有點不符合常理(planet不能用fulloflove,應該用world)和第6句help后面不應該用to之外,其他句子都沒有語病,扣1分的語言分也可以理解。但是本文最大的敗筆就在于遺漏了一個要點!題目要求對自己周圍的love給出1-2個例子,但是本文中沒有任何例子,于是被扣了2分的內容分,非常可惜。正所謂“要點不全就是錯,妙筆生花又如何?”
學生作文二
Love never leaves me. My parents, teachers, classmates and so on give love to me. My mother always come to my room and close the windows when I fall asleep on the cold night. My classmates and teachers always give me a hand when I have something difficult to do. I feel very warm and happy when I get love from all these people around me. I will give my father a cup of tea when he finish all the works. I will help my mother to do some housework. Love around me all the time.
實際得分情況:7+5+0=12
老師點評:要點一個不缺,7分到手。全文除了反復使用when引導的時間狀語從句之外,無任何復雜句型,因此文采分為0并不冤枉。我要說的是被扣掉得2分語言分,不知道大家有沒有看出來扣在哪里?
其實這篇文章扣語言分的主要是2點:
1.三單。除了第一句之外的2處三單都用錯了(找到了嗎?)。雖然原則上講每個語法點錯只扣0.5,且重復不計,但是像三單這么基礎的語法點,扣1分也不為過。
2.最后一句缺系動詞。也許這位同學是想在最后一句用一個短句子作為有力的結尾,可惜偷雞不成蝕把米,句子不是想短就能短的。
當然,文中還有onthecoldnight、whenIfallasleep、finishalltheworks等小一點的語法錯誤,但是僅僅是前面2個大的語法錯誤,就足以顯示這位同學的功底了。正所謂“要點當然要齊全,語法豈止為單選?”
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